Friends? Family?

Hey friends. At least I hope I still have some out there. It's amazing to me how fast you can be deserted by the ones you care for.

My life has been very tumultuous and confused lately. I screwed up and hurt my family. I'll not broadcast the details here: suffice it to say it was ALL my fault. What I did was painful and continues to hurt. I've expressed my sorry at my actions but my apologies have fallen on deaf ears. Not too surprising really. But what has been surprising is how no one is willing to try and forgive and help fix the issue.

I won't say all have left. One has helped with money. One has helped by just being there, although I can't really talk to him about this. He's too close.

But the others....well, that's different. Some have great reasons to be mad at me. They have suffered the most. They know who they are.

But there are some who left for no reason except they were offended by what I did. I understand this to a point but what happened to understanding and caring. Yes, I screwed up. Yes, I let people down. But no one has offered to listen to me, no one has offered advice or help. Just demands, conditions, and rules

I'm in therapy and on medication trying to figure out why I did what I did. It's slow. My meds have been adjusted three times. It's a trial and error process. But it would be nice to have someone to sit with and just talk.

I've reached out to family and friends but have been rebuffed. They don't want to talk. They tell me I cannot be forgiven (at least their actions say that).

I screwed up. But I'm trying to fix it. What I did may be irreparably damaged. But I need help. I need a friend.

Can you help me?