Starting Again

Hi.
I guess it's time to try and start anew.

As I said in my last post, my life is one tumultuous trial right now. I'm still working on finding out why I did what I did and trying to resolve the issues I created. My relations with family are slowly improving and I hope I'm gaining some in-site as to my actions.

But, Lord, it's hard. Trying to figure out what's best for me and still maintain a family is harder than you would think. I've been lost for so long, I've forgotten who I am.

But I'm getting there. I see some changes in myself. I'm more focused and more inclined to accept my faults. Not so quick to anger. More accepting of myself and others. And willing to listen more.
Wish I had done this years ago. Perhaps things would be different but I don't know.

I'm going to try and start back writing here. I don't intend to share my deepest, darkest secrets nor tell tales on others. Just express my thoughts and maybe take the reader through my journey so that they can learn from my mistakes and stumbles.

Hang around if you're interested. I could use the company.

Friends? Family?

Hey friends. At least I hope I still have some out there. It's amazing to me how fast you can be deserted by the ones you care for.

My life has been very tumultuous and confused lately. I screwed up and hurt my family. I'll not broadcast the details here: suffice it to say it was ALL my fault. What I did was painful and continues to hurt. I've expressed my sorry at my actions but my apologies have fallen on deaf ears. Not too surprising really. But what has been surprising is how no one is willing to try and forgive and help fix the issue.

I won't say all have left. One has helped with money. One has helped by just being there, although I can't really talk to him about this. He's too close.

But the others....well, that's different. Some have great reasons to be mad at me. They have suffered the most. They know who they are.

But there are some who left for no reason except they were offended by what I did. I understand this to a point but what happened to understanding and caring. Yes, I screwed up. Yes, I let people down. But no one has offered to listen to me, no one has offered advice or help. Just demands, conditions, and rules

I'm in therapy and on medication trying to figure out why I did what I did. It's slow. My meds have been adjusted three times. It's a trial and error process. But it would be nice to have someone to sit with and just talk.

I've reached out to family and friends but have been rebuffed. They don't want to talk. They tell me I cannot be forgiven (at least their actions say that).

I screwed up. But I'm trying to fix it. What I did may be irreparably damaged. But I need help. I need a friend.

Can you help me?

New Beginnings

Hey.

We got a new bird feeder.

Doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? But in this crazy household of ours, it signifies a return to normal (well, our kind of normal anyway).

We've always fed the birds; kept feeders and birdbaths in our yard. But with all the crap that's been going on, we kinda let that slip away. We misplaced the things that were fun in our life. Let them get run over by the day to day stuff that we all deal with.

I'll admit, we had a few extra issues (Mom passing, car wrecks, car explosions) but that's not the point.

I think my point is, it didn't take much to help heal a lot of troubles. We had lost things and people in our life and started to forget what was good. We were crying in our beer and the salt of our tears made the beer flat and tasteless.

The feeder reminds us of that old life. It brought back memories of a life that we were beginning to think had vanished altogether. This silly plastic and pot metal feeder reminded us that life goes in cycles; up, down, and even sideways on occasion. But it always comes back to normal.

The feeder didn't cost much but we got so much more.

Comfort and hope.

Not a bad deal.

Blue Sky's Smilling at me.

Mornin', folks.

It's a beautiful day here in Norfolk, OAT about 39 degrees and blue sky's. (OAT stands for Outside Air Temp. It's an aviation term and I DID spend a long time in the airplane fixen' field.)

Things are still in chaos here in the household but slowly simmering down. Beck's is working on funeral items for her Mom and still trying to be the primary bread winner of the family. The funeral is Saturday but family start to arrive this Thursday so we have to get ready for that.

I have to say I am SO proud of Becky for the way she has dealt with all this mess. Even though most of the arrangements were previously done, there is still so much to take care of after a loved one passes. Legal issues, family and friend's wishes, and trying to find time for yourself to grieve and deal with the impact of the death make for a full day. And Becky has been right there in the thick of it, fixing, cajoling, soothing, grieving,and still, moving life forward.

Thanks again to all who have helped, offered to help, or have just been there for support. We may not express it or show our gratitude at that moment, but we are grateful beyond words.

THANK YOU ALL!

Lost and Found

Hey, friends.

I've missed you guys.

It's been a tumultuous past few months. My family has been through a lot of things and writing this blog hasn't seemed like much of a priority. I've been trying to avoid turning this blog into a dairy of my life, bemoaning all the trials and tribulations that have occurred. But sometimes, circumstances just demand otherwise.

So be patient with me, readers.

My Mother-in Law, Elizabeth Brewer, passed away on Friday, January 22. She had been ill for quite some time and I think she was just worn out. She passed peacefully with my wife and I by her side. She was a wonderful person and a great Mother-in Law. We didn't always see eye to eye, but I loved her and will miss her greatly.

If you had the chance to meet her, I'm sure you will remember her fondly. If you didn't, I'm sorry that you won't have the chance. She touched so many and left all with a feeling of love and warmth.

I miss you, Granny B.

No More Facebook Games, Please!

Hey, readers.

I've begun to notice a disturbing trend on my Facebook page lately. My friends, who are relatively new to the concept of social media, have fallen into the idea that they must post daily or at least every other day.

And since most of us lead humdrum lives and have no exciting things to post, they play the apps.

Now I'm not above sending a flair or two. I've even helped save the rainforest ( by sending e-plants?) and worked on the virtual farm.

But lets give it a rest now, ok?

I want to know what's going on with you and your family, not how much virtual farm you have or how many fish are in your virtual fish tank.

I guess some of my friends really enjoy the games idea. It is an easy way to stay on Facebook and keep your name out there.

But I remember your name.
You ARE my friend.
I don't usually forget you.
I friended you because I really like you and want to know what's going on in your life ( not everything,mind you,toilet trips are TMI).

So, ease up on the apps.

I'll still remember ya.

Image courtesy;
lifeinthenhs.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/face

Where is America's Memory?

Hey, guys.

When did the American population lose it's memory?

It must be a massive case of Alzheimer's.

No one seems to remember that our present situation was caused by the acts of the previous administration and the Republican congress. It wasn't Obama who stuck us in a intractable combat situation in the Middle East. It wasn't the newly elected Democratic majority Congress that allowed businesses to run rampant and uncontrolled and create the present fiscal crisis.

And yet, the present administration seem to be the whipping boy for all these ills. I'm confused.

Oh, yes, NOW I remember.

It's the fear mongers in the media and in the right wing groups who are screaming this idea. Blame Obama, blame the Democrats, blame the Mexicans, blame anybody you don't like or agree with. Don't debate, scream. Don't discuss, argue. Don't listen, threaten.

Everyday I read new statements from supposedly rational members of Congress and the media warning of impending doom.

Apparently, we're going to hell in a hand-basket!

Come on, people, THINK! Use your brain for something other than keeping your ears from hitting each other!

Get back to rational discourse and discussion about what ails this great nation of ours. We have some serious issues to deal with and screaming at people and creating fear and hate won't solve them.

Oh, yea. I forgot.

We don't remember HOW to talk to each other.

Damn Alzheimer's!


Image courtesy:
solomonsmusic.net/Munch_Scream.1893.jpg