Bouncing back

First let me say...I'm sorry.

Sorry for that whine fest of yesterday. Not sure what precipitated that but it was foolish.

Not that it was false. I truly was overwhelmed by my birthday. It's happened before. Not usually on big ones like 40 or 50 or even 60. I had a bad one at 24. No clue as to why. Just my weird brain chemistry, I guess. 😖

But please forgive me for my indiscretions. I'll try and do better next time.

My saviors from my funk were my family; my wonderful wife, my amazing stepson, my other kids and my fantastic friends. They grabbed me by my short hairs and dragged me back to the world of reality. Made me see that I am a blessed man.

I thank you all with all my heart!

Birthday

65

I'm 65. Geeze!

This one's a toughy.
I don't know why.
I don't feel old, don't look old. But something about this birthday, this age, is wearing me down.

I'm depressed by this. Like, spontaneous tears depressed. Like, curl up in a hole and hide, depressed.

And I don't know why!
And that makes it worse.

Because I can't fix it!

I know 65 is just a number and doesn't reflect the real me. I've got a beautiful wife, great kids (including a fantastic stepson), food,
drink, friends. So, I should be happy.

But this birthday is killing me.

I know I'll be ok once this passes. I'll survive and carry on, living my life joyfully.

But right now.....

Dej Vu

It's amazing


I don't post for a year and when i do its a repeat of my last post. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment or a fool stuck in a never ending cycle.

And the damnedest thing is...I'm still hoping! I still believe!

Wish me luck, folks. I will not go gentle into that great night....I will fight like hell for what a want and need and will not surrender till the last hope is gone.

Change

It's amazing.

One minute the world is wonderful. Birthdays, parties, cake, presents, love. Then, BOOM...you're hit with the news that what you thought was glowing with love, is the glow from radioactive waste. That all your hopes for the future have been derailed. That the love you feel might not be reciprocated.

I'm lost.

I know life hasn't been all sunshine and roses but the one constant in my life was  love. And now that's in doubt. Not for me, but for the one I love. She is lost too.

She's overwhelmed by life...money, work, responsibilities and me. I guess in my ignorance and wishful thinking I missed all the signs. And now, life has turned upside down.

But I'm not giving up. I'll give her space. I'll let her think. And then, when we can talk again, I will do all within my power to make us whole again.

Perhaps I'm a fool. But I believe we can fix this, fix us.

Wish me luck.

We've gotta change!

Hey!
Happy Friday!

Courtesy, respect, tolerance...

What's happened to these words. Did they get removed from the English language when I wasn't looking? Have the people forgotten the meaning? Or are we so obsessed with expressing our point of view, of our being right, that we throw these words away?

There was a time when your right to your personal view was respected by others. Folks may not agree with you but they understood that you were allowed to express your viewpoint freely and  unencumbered. This concept was so highly valued that the founders of our country included it in the Constitution (the First Amendment). It is an idea that separates us from a majority of countries and allows us to be critical of a thought or concept while still respecting the rights of others to express their views as well. It's part of what makes America a great country.

But now, there is NO tolerance for opposing ideas, No civil discourse on politics,family, religion, personal freedom. Now it's "my way or the highway";  if you don't agree with my viewpoint, get the hell out, believe what I say or I'll beat you. Muslim...get out! Gun lover...evil person! Christian...surrender your right to chose your belief! Non-christian...you're wrong and you're going to hell!

This CANNOT continue! If we keep going the way we're headed, we will destroy ourselves from within, tear our country apart, lose that which makes us a great and admirable nation.

We can't change peoples minds or hearts with threats or violence.

It's time for the people of America to step back, take a breath and and realize that ALL views are important, even the ones you don't agree with. That every person has the right to say what they believe and live how they choose. Return to a time of tolerance and respect.

We've gotta change!

Photo courtesy:izquotes.com

It's Time

Slow start...breath deeply.

Hi.



Let's see if we can get this rolling again. it's been quite some time since I wrote on here. Been a long time since I wrote ANYWHERE.

But, lets try.

No great revelations. Just an attempt to stimulate a part of my brain that's been on hiatus.

Life has changed so much for me since my last post I'm at a loss at where to begin.

But here we are. Here we start.

Slow start...breath deeply.


Photo courtesy: Melanie Weidner

How?

Confusion and change.

Seems all my posts recently have been about these two subjects. It's been a tumultuous and crazy ride. Up one minute and sliding down and out of control the next.

DAMN!

I apologize, readers.  Please bare with me. One more time. Make it or break it!

Whatever happens now will decide my direction. Decisions will be made and  whatever happens will be done.

I pray that the decisions go my way but they are out of my control.

I just have to trust that the power of love is as great as we all hope, all believe it to be.

I have to trust and believe.

It's all I can do.